you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
