feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
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