yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Randomize
