Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Randomize
