Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
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