things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
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