I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
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