I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
