I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Randomize
