I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
Randomize
