saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
Randomize
