dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Randomize
