the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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