We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night