What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
