I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
Woman Using Lunch Break To Find Another Job Gets Hilariously Snitched On By The Local News
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
28 ‘Thanks For Coming To My Ted Talk Tweets’ Funnier And More Informative Than An Actual Ted Talk
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
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