dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Randomize
