my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Randomize
