Whatcha textin bout Willis?
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
23 Bisexuals Confess The Biggest Differences Between Dating People Of Each Sex
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
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Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.