ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
These People Made Expensive Mistakes That They’ll Regret Forever
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
Things The Opposite Sex Just Doesn’t Understand
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
I think pants incapable of making pants work
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders