1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
In other news, I just burned my penis
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
I have post one night stand depression
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
