Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch