Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
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After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
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The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.