Will you blow on my dice?
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
Keanu Reeves Photobombed A Couple’s Wedding Photos As A Perfect Gift
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
29 Married People Share What They Used To Find Cute About Their SO—But Now Find Infuriating
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again