Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
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You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
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She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car