You smell like stripper and shame
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
Randomize
