Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Randomize
