just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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