Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
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