i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Randomize
