Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Randomize
