He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
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