I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
Randomize
