I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
Life is so much better after having sex.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
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