how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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