when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
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