sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
