i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Randomize
