Well apparently he's into motor boating.
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Randomize
