Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Randomize
