We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
