im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
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