her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
I came so hard my ears popped.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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