Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
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