I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
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