I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
