The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Randomize
