I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
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