listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
Help me help you realize you are a moron
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
