worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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