You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
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