your room smells of hookers.
And success
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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