i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
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