if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize
