am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
What drink are we having for lunch?
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
