Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
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I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
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How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Randomize