Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
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