He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
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