Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
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