please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Randomize
