The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
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