I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
I murdered the dance floor call the cops
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
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