I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
her vagine was all disorganized.
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
I am mentally ready for anal.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
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