is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
I looked at my own cervix.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Randomize
