Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
I'm jealous of your bromance
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
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