woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
Randomize
