how can u be prego again
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Randomize
