I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Randomize
