I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
i just sent this text using only my big toe
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
