I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Randomize
