I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
Randomize
