My Higher Power is John Stamos
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
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