Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
Randomize
