we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
