he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Randomize
