Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
Randomize
