i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Randomize
