You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
