You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
Randomize
