I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Randomize
