Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Randomize
