Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
4 words: hood of his car
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
