Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
